maybe it’s a sign?

he said she couldn’t make it today so he didn’t go, and i’m wondering if this is a sign. he didn’t tell her today like i thought he would, and my heart didn’t break like i thought it would. i’m wondering that maybe this is my chance to tell him how i feel about him? but maybe it’s not. then again i’m not sure what kind of a twisted coincidence it might be that we’re both heading up to the same place but at different times. i could always call him to ask about when he’s next planning to talk to her. but i want to stay firm in the belief that i’m his closest buddy, and that maybe he won’t talk to her after all for the next couple of days because he’ll up north, and that i’m supposed to seize this chance…

but maybe it’s all just twisted logic anyway. what if i tell him and it’s not the right thing to do? how am i supposed to know? sometimes i kind of hope to tell him to mess him up with his girl and that he’ll be spinning with what i tell him that he can’t tell his girl and — oh, i don’t know. i’m a sick person.

still. maybe i should tell him. i was the one saying that you have to tell the person before it’s too late, but … under what circumstances is it best to tell someone? these are bad circumstances, but you can never be too sure….

LOVE SUCKS.

 

i’m a traitor.

“i’m a suspect, i’m a traitor…. because tonight, the world turned in me.”

well, not really. but i’m a traitor to myself. haha. actually, it’s pretty ridiculous. i’m sabotaging my own love life! it’s just this stupid psychological condition that i’m sure persists in everyone (no matter how mean they might be) when my “love interest” (wow, cheesy much?) has a crush on another girl and i am stupidly egging him on in his pursuit.

case in point:

boy: likes girl
girl: maybe? likes boy (not sure, since all info is gathered from boy)
me: likes boy

boy: (to me) so, i like this girl.. and i think she likes me back
me: for serious?! dude, go you! when are you gonna ask her out?
boy: eh… i don’t know how i should tell her. we’re gonna see a movie on monday though.
me: OMG! you should tell her after you guys see the movie! it’s just you two? LOL IT’S TOTALLY A DATE.
boy: UM NO >.> okay yeah.. hey can you give me some advice on girls?
blah blah etc.

ahaha. it’s so messed up. we’re very close friends (can’t go a day without talking to each other either online or on the phone), and i have a massive crush on him. we’re even going to prom together (as friends, of course). but, i refuse to tell him how i feel because it would…

1. cause awkward turtle level 3
2. destroy our friendship (he is very attracted to this girl)
3. there is no chance of him reciprocating at this point

the thing is, we’re best friends. and he tells me that he’s attracted to this girl (in his grade, mind you — i guess guys just like girls their own age and not older woman? sigh) who isn’t exactly the prettiest, fashionable girl but rather to her personality. she is outgoing, nice, pure of heart… attributes that i will never have as a reserved, sarcastic, cynical person. and i was telling him – “ask her out! tell her how you feel! and don’t feel like you have to jump into a relationship. if you two like each other.. man, that’s like the best feeling in the world and you could live with that until you’re ready for a relationship.”

why do i sabotage myself? because i am an idiot.

LOLOLO wow my life is turning into some kind of romantic drama or something. hahaha this is pretty lame.