he feels we’re going to break up, it’s inevitable, and i knew it, but it made it hard to accept all the same. i’m not looking to marry him, but i’d hope that this is worth it in the end…. the book i was reading, it made me doubt a lot, it made me squirm inside and feel guilty and made me want to pick up that phone and tell him i’m sorry but i don’t think we should continue this relationship.
he… gave me advice on what to do if we do though… to pack up the memories, remember the good times, learn from the bad times… but move on. he said it was like having a friend pass away… you have to move on. i don’t know where he got this wisdom from.. but i’m grateful for him all the same. i guess it made me remember that we went into this knowing.. or expecting… that it wouldn’t be one of those 1-in-a-million relationships in high school (well.. half in high school.. half going to college) where we just stay together and marry each other. it was supposed to be a– i guess, learning experience? that sounds terrible. but i guess that’s what it is. it’s not always easy, it’s painful sometimes, and you make plenty of mistakes before you learn it right… but that’s what it is. you learn.
and i know… he said to trust God in this… He’ll get us through this. He’s our Rock. we’re not supposed to go through this alone.
sometimes it feels like he’s the older one… that he’s not a mere junior in high school, and sometimes i feel like i’m a simple middle school student, not a freshman in college… i wonder sometimes how he does it… and then sometimes i think i think that it’s not his words, but… someone else’s. someone working through both of us… who’s almighty and omnipotent and –and — forgiving. and that… He knows what’s going to happen to us.. but He’s not gonna force us to handle anything we can’t.. and to teach us through heartbreak and tragedy. . . i guess… i’m just… not able to trust enough . . .
